Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
