Dude my mom stole all your condoms
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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