Umm I'm too high to move.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
