I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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