I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
