Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
