I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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