YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
