I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I have fence marks all over my body
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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