youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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