Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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