Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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