life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
