i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
