i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
