So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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