I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
