You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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