Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
