I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
