I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
