I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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