I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
