Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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