im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
