I will die if light touches me.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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