he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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