she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
