It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
