So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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