Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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