Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
