Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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