my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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