while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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