so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
