He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
