last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
