Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
