my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
