The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
