I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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