You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
