member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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