the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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