Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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