When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
