i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
