Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
My ass is underappreciated
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
