Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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